so, i’m back in the states! for your information. maybe you’ll catch sight of me sneaking around town, the elusive molly hiding in the bushes or taking coverage behind light posts at the sight of flashbulbs! or, you know, at hyperion drinking coffee like a normal person.

for the past week, I’ve been finishing up some tasks for my internship, non-cleaning or errand-related tasks of all things. now that i’m done with said tasks, i’m waiting for bossman to call to have a “talk.” a talk that i’m pretty sure involves me not going back to south africa.

no bother. i don’t really want to go back if it only involves me running errands (they can hire a south african for that) and being “apprenticed” in an area that is probably widely applicable but not of high personal interest. i suppose my only reservation is the lack of time spent in the internship itself during a slow time in the process. it’d be pretty moot if it wasn’t abroad, to say the least.

NO MATTER. i think the time i have spent has been well invested, regardless of resume and savings account.

while i’m waiting, while we’re waiting, i thought i’d post some things i didn’t get to when physically in the SA. food is so important to me in so many regards and i feel like i’ve neglected it. sooooo: FOOD POST.

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the food, in general, is delicious. it’s spring-summer in that part of africa (despite what band-aid says–don’t even get me started) so there’s loads of fresh produce and the prices are just, well, everything’s affordable in south africa. for that reason i also think part and whole we end up at nicer places that wouldn’t necessarily be as affordable in the states. maybe yes, maybe no.

every once in awhile the talk of how all-natural and organic things are in SA will come up amongst us. i’m not convinced that’s so true. the owner of our guesthouse has a family farm up in limpopo (the have a jaguar that just hangs out. they’re incredibly protective of it and go on sighting trips. they’ve got crazy amounts of land) on which he raises a small herd of grass fed cows. big bank in the states right?

it’s ranked lower and in demand less than it’s grain-fed counterparts. but maybe i’m taking this in a direction it’s not intended to go. i mean, we’re obsessed with where our food comes from (well, maybe only some of us) because we’re at that point where it can be scary. maybe it hasn’t gotten scary for them yet. jacques told me that chemical whathaveyous are used but not in mass quantities, not more than other more ‘natural’ fertilizers (i’m under the impression that they don’t necessarily have mega farms either, though). he also gave me a kind of ‘what does it matter’ look when i asked.

it’s more, i think, a matter that just doesn’t occur to them…yet.  maybe they have enough to deal with without having to freak out over food sources or if their roasted chicken in periperi sauce enjoyed its little chicken life.

needless to say, johannesburg has some pretty tasty food offerings. the area we lived in is called melville (a small, slightly gentrified area of the sprawl that is joburg; think the castro), so there’ll probably be a good few places from around there. ok, here’s a run-down:

a room with a view: yes! the guesthouse (b&b)! most guesthouses provide breakfast, and a room with a view puts out a pretty pleasing spread. there’s muesli, granola, and bran with a choice of two different yogurts (my favorite’s been persimmon), fresh fruit salad, some kind of melon slices (so good), brie, and a choice of local preserves and bakery items. the preserves. goodness, the preserves are so good. my favorite is a fig one–whole figs preserved in syrup. they’re just the perfect sweetness and are so good on brie. MERCY. (you know i brought some back with me!) there’s also hot breakfast–omelette or eggs with bacon, tomato, and/or mushrooms with tons of herbs–and of course, strong (unfortunate) coffee, rooibos tea, or juice (sometimes they’ll get mango, which is the best). brenda goes out pretty much every day to pick up fresh things for breakfast, which just adds to the goodness.

picobella: picobella’s just a short walk from the guesthouse and it’s the first place i ate here.  they’ve got some pretty tasty dishes and really nice salads.  and i hate salads, so that’s saying something.  i think the first thing i had there was a romaine/red leaf salad with huuuuge hunks of blue cheese, pancetta, and poached pears with a little balsamic vin (a pretty common offering around the area) with a nice fruity glass of red sangria (jetlag and wine–so good).  their pasta is also really fulfilling.  most of their seating (most of the seating in jozi, actually) is outside, which is so nice when there’s a complete lack of humidity.  overall, probably one of my favorite places around town.

catz pajamas: these guys deliver 24 hours a day and have saved us from sandwiches several times (maybe that’s one thing i’m not super keen on? the deli meat here is kind of so-so. maybe i just get bored of sammiches). they do a lot of fancier deli-type stuff: salads and bruchettas, pastas and pizzas, a burger or two. i wouldn’t say they’re italian and i wouldn’t say they’re the best, but it’s good, hot and fresh, and sits in your tummy well. plus, they’re homemade rolls are LEGIT.

lucky bean: oh, lucky bean. you are so good. so so very good. modern and cozy, it offers up fare of similar standards.  i’m gonna be honest, there was wine and i’m having trouble remembering what i had.  but i guarantee you it was delicious and my one real regret is i only made it there once.  it’s also memorable for other reasons. when we were there, joburg was having one of it’s mighty thunderstorms, shaking thunder and cracking lightening.  it was also the day the lower parliament passed the secrets bill (aka the very slippery slope to press censorship), which was discussed in detail to the point we were all just apologetic.  it was a bit of a poignant moment for the trip–everything on the surface was ducky, but with some obviously very unsettling things happening right below the surface.

carnivore: ok, so this is one of those novelty places. it’s up near some of the wild animal parks and prizes itself on serving game. see those fuzzy animals? come on over and eat ‘em! aw yea. it’s a chain of sorts that crops up around similar places in the continent and serves everything up brazilian bbq style–huge spits and servers with machetes carving things off onto your plate. they give you a little tower of salads and condiments and a little flag that you put down when you’ve surrendered. the night we went we ate chicken, beef, wild pig, kudu (so good), crocodile, and impala. overall, i’d say the experience is worth it, but it’s not somewhere i’d make a habit of.

“the embassy”: you can’t judge me on this one. promise me you won’t judge me. “the embassy” is what we’ve affectionately nicknamed mcdonald’s. i know, i know. i’m convinced as an american that i need it every once and awhile abroad, but some members of our party need it more than others. for the record, it tastes the same. thank you mcdonald’s for your consistency.

georges on 4th: 4th is probably a ten-fifteen minute drive from where we were in melville.  the part of the street we were on was super cute, with little boutiques and toy shops, restaurants and coffee shops (briefly, though, the coffee across the board was kind of a disappointment.  i know, i haven’t been drinking it very long, but it was a broad consensus and a third of our party is from the seattle area.  you’d think it’d be excellent, being so close to so many growing areas. maybe it’s a roasting thing…).  georges, much like everywhere, makes a mean salad and from what everyone else has said, some nice seafood options.

moyo: ok, so this is another kind of novelty place?  it’s “africa” themed.  like, non-specific africa.  like, wait-staff in prints and facepaint and roaming mariachi band, africa-syled, non-specific.  the menu boasts different manner of fare, like ethiopian stews and everyone’s local favorite pap!  pap.  oh, pap.  in every one of my advisor’s classes she’d always talk about food in new guinea and would bring up sago–the starchy lump of food they make from sago pulp that she’d so lovingly call “a black hole of taste, literally sucking all flavor from your mouth.”  pap is exactly that except it’s made from maize (yes, maize.  I KNOW.  it’s grown all over southern africa, apparently) but is as equally ‘black hole’ish.  you’re supposed to eat it with meat, doelie tells me, and it pretty much has the consistency and taste of styrofoam.  i’m not sure if i was around long enough to acquire a taste for it.  ANYWAY. moya.  there were tasty cocktails and moderately tasty food, but overall a charming atmosphere.  the one we went to (there’s a couple) is in this huge park and i don’t think they have inside seating–most of it’s covered but feels like you’re just sitting in the park, it’s really quite lovely.  and of course we got our faces painted when she came around.  i’d go back only to be surrounded by music and night and nice drinks.  as it was, while we were there, i discovered this nice little dessert wine bossman got called vin to constance, which if you ever have the chance, DRINK IT ALL. amen.

mexicho: another of melville fare. if you’ve ever lived near mexico, you know how good the food can be (sorry east coasters, you have no idea). i love it–i can always eat mexican food or tex-mex, easy. hands down. one of our party is from texas, so the two of us were kind of suspicious, but very willing to give it a go. one frozen lime margarita, a huge plate of chicken nachos, onion rings stuffed with guac, and one big chimichanga later, we were all pretty pleased. they’re rice was spot on and having those leftovers for dinner made my night.

pick-a-pancake: this place was way far out where the ‘african craft shop’ was. it’s a nice little suburban area–really relaxed, near a dam with a scenic reservoir probably halfway between joburg and pretoria. it’s basically a crepe restaurant except they use pancakes. mine was filled with game (which was really good), but the cheese sauce on top was waaaay too much and really intense. everyone else seemed to enjoy theirs–doelie had this sugar bomb of a pancake wrapped around ice cream, covered in caramel and bananas. he’s a champ pretty much. i think the atmosphere was nicer here than the food (though kathy’s chicken burger looked pretty good). i also had my first south african beer–hansa pilsner–pretty good!

street food: yea, yea. i know. street food has it’s stigmas. BUT this one’s run by the grocery store down the hill from us. it has standards. (let’s be honest, i probably would’ve eaten there anyway) boerwursts are south african to the max (i mean, boer–the original name for afrikaaners, afrikaans for farmer–is in the name) and they are delicious. it’s all he was selling, dressed with sauteed onions and a little peri-peri (chile sauce) on a nice roll–probably one of the best things i’ve eaten here and R10 (~$1.30) a pop.

right, so there it is.  food in south africa.  i love you all and will be generous with the details when i know them!

(sorry! i meant to post this when i got home!)

so, i’m heading home. my impression of returns is that they always go more smoothly than the trip there. the flight from jozi was a breeze. i forgot to check what seat i was in before i left, but as fate would have it, it was the first row of seats in economy (leg room AND no invading seat in front of me) on the right, with no accompanying passenger. i even managed some sleep!

now, i’m sitting in heathrow next to this older scottish couple, eating a crunchie, and waiting for the display screen to tell me my gate. british accents are so much more amusing in person than on tv. i am such an accomplished world traveller.

i’m getting the impression that i’m not going back. i’m also getting the impression that i’m not even going to the d.c. meetings. the ‘goodbyes’ compared to the ‘see you next tuesdays’ subtle and slightly off enough for me. emailing bossman seems to be in order.

i’m not really upset; i’m not really even disappointed. probably before, but not now. i know deep down that i’m not interested enough in this to make some careery type move on it. constance has been an excellent person to talk to. if anything, i’m glad going for the opportunity to meet her. she always asks the right questions in a non-invasive way. in the past year, it’s been hard to talk about ‘CAREER.’ it’s such a looming and foreboding word to me, enough to bring me to tears just thinking about it. i make a lot of excuses (no no, i do). constance is an attorney. it could’ve gone either way but i’m glad it went the way of catharsis.

she kind of immediately noticed that i like food stuff (do i really talk about food that much?) and asked me early in the trip why i haven’t pursued that. i vaguely responded something about how i wanted to ‘help people.’ she gave this indirect scoff/smirk and said, ‘oh, that will come–you should just follow your passions otherwise you’ll just be miserable’ (maybe not a direct quote but that was the sentiment). we’ve had similar conversations here and there in-between chats about how weird our colleagues are and storytelling.

my gate’s coming up. obviously, i have some thinking to do, but i don’t feel all that stressed about it. i’m at peace.

see y’all stateside–good lord i’m excited to go home.

i haven’t written much about the internship itself yet.  it’s only, y’know, the reason why i’m here.

if you followed me the last time i was abroad, you know i tend to get pretty homesick.  it’s not something on the surface (at least it doesn’t feel that way) but you can definitely read it between the lines pretty clearly and it colors a lot for the first few weeks i’m anywhere new.  but i’m an internal processor, too.  it’s probably why i’m having trouble writing this post (i’ve probably started it three times at least)–i need to be able to explain it to myself in reasonable, relatively unemotional terms before i make a statement about it.  needless to say, i’ve never been good on my feet.

that being said, i would say that this internship is… going.  i was telling constance (another volunteer, who’s around my mom’s age, attorney-type, lovely) that of the few internships i’ve had, i’ve never really done any that were established programs.  like i was their first intern or like in the case of here, the group is new and the job complicated and the group dynamic pretty atypical.  so, to break it down, i’m a volunteer with project HOPE and through them an intern for the aedifos group, a “for profit social enterprise,” which basically means they get hired/contracted to do socially progressive things, in this case project management and controls (aka crazy precise scheduling and people organizing).

you might be thinking the same thing i was when i left dulles: “where do i fit in here?”  i mean, every job has its own jargon and processes, right?  by a week into this, i was telling my mom it feels like speaking french–i can understand it, i just don’t have the vocabulary or grammar (or experience) to contribute.  i am a sponge.

which is all well and good.  i am getting the feeling that project HOPE kind of just dropped me in and bossman has to deal with me.  and i have trouble talking to bossman.  i think we’re opposites on a lot of important levels and he’s concerned with a lot more than babying an intern.  but i knew i had to talk to him–everyone else knows his or her role here and i was/am still really unclear.  a lot had been kind of taken for granted in what i knew, which is partially my fault as well (neither party are mindreaders, or so i’ve assumed, or so i hope).  so we sat down for a brief chat one afternoon and he kind of laid it out: he wasn’t exactly thrilled (as i’d kind of been vibing from him): based on my resume, he probably wouldn’t have brought me on, the notes i’d taken in dulles were incomplete/disappointing.  he said that as an internship, this is supposed to be an apprenticeship and if i wasn’t interested, maybe i should cut my losses.

yea, not awesome.  but i’m pretty good at keeping it together (i’m not incredibly reactive, i guess) and past that he told me he expected me to keep our common areas clean, run errands, and fulfill requests that anyone asked of me.  he expects that he and the others should be able to know me and my aims before i leave the internship so if anything i can have connections.

since then, i think things have been a little less tense, a little less uncertain.  i think what he said was rough, but honest.  he didn’t say it meanly, just the facts.  i don’t think all of those coals should be on my head but i can only control what i do, right?  i can only ask questions and do what’s asked of me to the best of my abilities.

i’ve been getting more comfortable, less hesitant with my answers, loosening up a bit.  so what if bossman hasn’t been here for the past 3 days?  so what if i’m relieved when i’m not around him?

we’ll be heading home tomorrow (a week early!) to talk with the project HOPE contact (his wife just had a baby a couple weeks ago–you know he’s not going anywhere any time soon) in d.c.  whether or not i’ll be going hasn’t really been explicit.  neither has if i’ll be coming back to south africa in january with the rest of the team.  and i don’t think it should be my decision necessarily.  given the option, i’d like to come back.  the best advice i got before i left was from beth’s mom: give it six weeks, you can’t know how you feel about it before then.  i’m just getting into the swing of things and would like to see if this can pan out–i don’t like letting things go because i’m afraid or uncomfortable.

but i’m expensive.  i’m useful, but maybe not useful enough to pay for me here.  if this were in the states, it wouldn’t be an issue.  but here…

sigh.

it’s not the end of the world.  the worst i’ll be able to say is that the journey to south africa is really quite unfortunate.  if this ends up being only three weeks or three months, at least i got a free trip to south africa and learned some things about the human aid industry that i didn’t before, met some new people, and had to confront new problems i’ve yet to face.  like mom always says, no job is useless.

 

 

ok, not to set the mood for this post, but i wanted to show you the fog we had the other day: 

absolute pea soup!  normally i can see for a good distance, to the hills, but just the neighbors here.  just a product of the higher altitude and abnormally (so i’m told) consistent rain and cold we had for about three or four days straight.

our initial plans for the glorious american holiday of thanksgiving was to combine it with a glorious south african summer tradition of the braai (i.e. bigass cookout).  when we came home from dinner on a very violently rainy tuesday night, i ran into jacques who gave me a very uncertain and doubtful response concerning our thanksgiving braai due to crummy weather.

so, we decided on a more traditional route.  i figured on wednesday when only constance and carma volunteered to help cook, that i’d have to make some effort if we were going to have thanksgiving.  with an additional little volunteer (one of the staff’s son was home with a wee cough, but well enough to need occupation), we set out to make us some vitals.  first and foremost i did not want to make a turkey.  i’m sorry my fellow amuricans, but i could not bring myself to go through the whole defrost/ wait for the damn thing to roast all day bit being all away from home (they do have turkeys here–frozen and about R150-200, roughly $25-30?).  so, we settled on chickens.

a morning full of cooking later, we had 4 roast chickens, 1 bundt pan of stuffing, 4kg of mashed potatoes, green beans, broccoli salad, garden salad, and chocolate banana pudding.

ta da!  as far as thanksgivings go, it was far from out of the ordinary.  in fact, it was probably more true to the spirit than anything–thanksgiving is meant to be not just a holiday of thanks, but also a holiday of sharing and fellowship.  at our table, we had not only our group, but all the staff of a room with a view.

maybe not necessary?  but the consensus amongst the americans (and by that i mean the ladies.  and by that i mean, let’s be honest, the sticklers of tradition) was that all should feast at the table (we certainly had space, n’est pas?).

there’s a certain theory that thanksgiving is part of an american festival cycle that goes from halloween to easter, making up a female part of the year and a male part of the year.  thanksgiving is about hearth and home and family and a certain selflessness that comes with being motherly (hence the women caring about it, hence the turkey in an oven, hence all the indoorness).  i suppose my point would be we felt it only proper to invite everyone in our new family to our new house to break bread and share some time.  we knew they wouldn’t know the weight of it but i think a lot of the sentiment was there–the gift of a good meal and  eating together, the pinnacle of all universal social activities.  mmm, feels good to be human.

it’s late, but happy thanksgiving, everyone!

alright.  i have really good intentions with the photos.  you need to know that up front.  it seems that our constant downfall is the lagging internet here.

see that tree? the purple one?? jakarunda! they're like the cherry blossoms of south africa. i regrettably don't have a better picture. however, it, like many trees in south africa, is a non-native species from south america.

i shouldn’t complain.  i was talking with our driver, doelie (doo-ly) yesterday (he came over for our thanksgiving feast) about the internet and he was surprised to hear that most americans have internet in their homes.  he was concerned that when we went back to the states for a month (did i mention that? i’ll mention that in the next post), it would be expensive for me, as an unpaid intern, to keep in constant contact with everyone else via the interwebs.

it was one of those conversations where you really realize you’re not home.  where there’s one really apparent difference.  where, while finding white balsamic vinegar isn’t too difficult and ergonomic desk chairs are at hand, internet is a hot commodity.

the living room! if i'm lucky, i can get internet in that sunny chair to the left. a room with a view is kind of a very close cluster of houses and we've got one all to ourselves. there's a kitchen, too with a finicky gas stove. we're all in agreement that it's a pretty tasteful and comfortable setup.

it’s kind of something part of a bigger pattern, i think. there were discussions early on about how to classify south africa in an… economical sense i suppose.  is it developing?  is it kind of developed already?  how insulting would it be to them to call it a developing country?  they’re probably somewhere in the middle?  a pattern of in-between-ness in everything?

i mean, i don’t really care for the terms to begin with–developing and developed.  you may as well just say savage and civilized in my mind (is my anthro showing?).  i suppose with globalization we have to make some kind of global classification system…

this is the b&b's token dog (there's another--a jack russell named pixel, but he's hard to get on camera), crricky (pronouced hr-icky--she's half spaniel half dalmatian. oh, i know). she's such a gentle dog and only understands Afrikaans, which has been hilarious for all of us yanks trying to tell her she's a 'goeie hond.' the fun thing about dogs here is they can go anywhere--the kitchen, the breakfast dining area, anywhere. i was telling doelie about how this would never happen in the states and he gave me such an incredulous look. talk about perspectives...

aye me.  i’m getting caught up in my words.  it probably doesn’t help that i’m developing some allergy-induced head cold hell.  you, my friends, are suffering my undefined waxing because of it.  my apologies, absolutely.

there's several cages around the premises. jacques (the owner/caretaker) told me that they used to be full of canaries and guinea fowl and parrots, but they've since died of age or escaped.

i do mean well with the photos.  obviously, these posts aren’t going to be in a completely chronological order, so a giant series of photoblogging might need to happen when i get home with some reliable connection.  sorry, south africa, but my amurica is showing.

so, i’ve been in jozi for about a week and a half.  it’s been raining for a couple hours and the lightning is pretty intense–sharp, quick, intense flashes on the horizon.  that also means that it’s cooled down immensely, not that it was all that hot before.  the hottest it’s been is probably 85?  no humidity and breezy (which is, what i’ve been told, uncharacteristic for the present season).  the coldest it’s been is 60?

enough about the weather (boring).  i am on the mend with the sleeping!  what’s the theory?  the time difference is how many days it takes to recover?  i guess that’s about right, maybe shy of a couple days.  i think the nights cooling down helped in the best way.  my battle against the mosquitoes is very real and apparent, though.  i’m pretty positively losing with the count this morning at 56 bites.  brenda, the main hostess of our cute little b&b, suggested i pick up some citronella and i think i reacted like she invented the wheel.  i mean, they’ve got tylenol pm and kfc and apple stores, so c’mon mol, really.  (update: the citronella, or sitronella as it’s spelled here, is working so very well.  the oil is so potent, but it’s really been keeping the bugs away–huzzah!)

brenda graciously let me accompany her on errands the other day and she was telling me about some of the guests who pass through.  my favorite (and hers i gathered) was about a tourist group of about 4 from new orleans who brought “something like 20 bags between them” full of linens and towels and cutlery–any modern convenience–because they thought they’d just be without everything in africa–it was just an assumption that everywhere in africa would be like those donation commercials.

but don’t get me wrong–it’s still africa with africa problems.  like the fact that the plan for this hospital doesn’t include HIV/AIDS even though something like 12% of south africa’s population is infected.  like how high unemployment is (26%?).  like how ‘corrupt’ the general administration of things is.

‘corrupt’ because i think it’s not an unfair term, but an unidimensional one.  it’s one of those words we use that leaves no room for humanity–corrupt just means you’re scum, that you’re bad, that you’re a coward.  i imagine that we can thank the dark knight for that one.  my impression on the situation here is that the majority (black Africans) fought rightfully so against the unfairness of the ruling minority (white Afrikaaners) and now it’s time to get theirs.  when i’ve heard (second hand, i’ll grant you) of ‘corruption,’ it’s an entitlement issue, an ‘i’m allowed to take this, be it medical supplies, money, food from orphans, because of what i’ve been through, what we’ve been through.’

one of our more well-connected people came home with this news and everyone was pretty discouraged.  it seems to color everything.  i don’t think it’s right or justified, but i don’t think it’s the whole picture, either.  my anthro guts know there’s more than just greed or hubris–it’s a symbolic means to an end, a way of communicating.  there’s a lot of wronged persons here and the hits just keep coming it seems.  maybe it’s just in johannesburg (it is 3:1 Africans to Afrikaaners), but i think the society here has some acute PTSD and it’s showing.

on a more positive note, the sun’s finally out again.  it rains hard here, but the sun always finds its way.

 

I HAVE A MOSQUITO BITE ON MY PALM.  MY. PALM. WHAT. 

ok, here’s what you need to know:

1)    the plane ride from frankfurt to joburg was bearable but pretty much sleepless.

2)    my first thought on arriving: thank God i don’t have to get on another plane.

3)    sleep has abandoned me like a bad habit.

4)    my ankles are still swollen.

5)    i still and shall forever hate excel.  it is a vile program.

other than that, johannesburg is pretty lovely.  the driver who picked me up from the airport said he thought it pretty similar to carlifornia in the lay of the land and temperature and from what i know/have heard about both, i’d say it’s probably true.  the weather’s been warm (like 75-85?) with a really nice lack of humidity and the evenings are cool.

…that is until i get into bed.  since i’ve been here (all of 4 days), my combination of jetlag and nighttime warmness have left me bereft of sleep.  to put it plainly: IT. SUCKS.  it’s progressively gotten better each night, but i’m pretty much waking up about three hours after i go to sleep and just sleepily trying to figure stuff out.  the first two nights i couldn’t even get back to sleep.  last night, i’m assuming with the aid of some adult beverages,  i managed to sleep a little heartier.  i don’t know, y’all.  the b&b we’re staying at is absolutely lovely.  it’s very homey and tasteful, the staff is wonderful, there are dogs all about, but there’s no AC.  none.  and the wireless is pretty shoddy (hence the lack of communication).  i’ve started opening up my windows but there aren’t any screens on them and they’re also this wide:

i did find a fan in the wardrobe (it is noisy as all get out), so i’m hoping to put that on tonight as well as getting eaten alive.  i may venture out and get some sleeping pills.  and some bug spray.  that could very well happen today.  in any case, this sleep issue makes everything at least five times more of a problem.  i haven’t sobbed myself to sleep or anything (yet), but at this rate, i’m pretty much going to drive myself insane.

now for something fun!  we’ve been working on some information things since i’ve been here (hence the excel and the hate), so yesterday we decided to do something not work.  SO WE WENT ON SAFARI.  oh, yes.  the best of everything.  you know those zoo parks you come across sometimes where you just drive through and it’s all open and stuff?  the rhino and lion park is one of those!  we called one of the drivers we’ve been using, Dooly, who is an excellent human being and pretty much answered any and all questions, and just toured around.

and then we HUNG OUT WITH LIONS.

…not these ones.  unfortunately, my camera died because i’m dumb and sleepy, so i’ll update with photos everyone else took later.

BUT we really did pet lions.   LIONS.   with fangs and claws and killer instinct and whathaveyou.  they raise them in “captivity” and for a meager R30 (about $5), you can have 5 minutes with a friggin lion!!  they had little baby ones that were like 2 months old, frisky 4 month olds, and some older ones.   how cool is that?

anyway, i’m alive.  perpetually tired, but alive.  photos etc. to come in future posts!

i wanted to tell you how much i hate the frankfurt airport but that’s really uncalled for and probably not true. i don’t sleep well on planes. and as i mentioned before, a sleepy molly is a cranky, unreasonable one. the nine-hour layover also probably doesn’t help.

i think it’s just what happens when you travel. maybe it’s just what happens when i travel. i mean, this airport is probably one of the better ones i’ve been in. it’s organized, the signs are everywhere and easy to follow (the english doesn’t hurt either), there are comfy, reclining chairs, everyone speaks english and is incredibly helpful, it’s clean, they recycleand AND they have bikes. YES. i think they’re just for staff, but honest to God, bikes pedaling through the terminal.

but there’s something shocking about traveling far distances. this place isn’t really all that different from any other place in america. sure, there’s kinder and nutella and euros everywhere and it smells like cologne all the time but if you woke me up here or at home, i probably wouldn’t know the difference for a bit. it’s not really culture shock (yet), but travel shock.

it’s really hard making any kind of decision when i’m this way. i’m bad enough at making them when i’ve had enough sleep, but tired? fuggedaboutit. the moment i got to the terminal (well, after getting my boarding pass), i asked if they had any sleeping lounges in the airport. she directed me two sets of gates away and twenty minutes later i’m at a security checkpoint with, yes, the lounges behind them. i should’ve just gone and seen if they could let me in, but i turned around, huffed off, and slept in a reclining airport chair. SO TIRED. BAD DECISIONS.

but i didn’t get mugged or my stuff stolen– the only downside was cold fingers and sleepy feet. in fact, there were people around me sleeping, too, so huzzah sleepy connector flight people camaraderie!

so after a lot of deliberation and moping (and a teary 5 minute call to my mom), i made myself leave the airport. i still had wikitravel up on my ipod, which is super helpful, at least the frankfurt one, and had been given a train map at some point in time (can’t… really… remember). i stored my way too heavy bag off at one of the baggage storage places (seriously a physical and emotional weight off my shoulders. lugging that thing around was a mean dampener on my spirits), got something to eat after what i realized was probably twelve hours of not eating (and a fanta! fanta is so much better in europe. MAN ALIVE), and made myself go to the train station.

frankfurt has this row of museums, the museumsufer, on either side of the main river, which runs through the city. that was my destination–still within the city, within relative proximity to the flughafen (airport! i’ve been learning ALL THE GERMAN WORDS. toilleten! augang! bahnhof! hauptbahnhof! YEA!!) and probably not too sketchy. i’m gonna be honest: i’m surprised i a) got on the train and b) got on the right one but after the first, it went pretty well! yea! i made it there and back without dying. it was even worth going to that so-so exhibit i chose! yea traveling on my own! needless to say, it was pretty much the turning point in my day. it was one of those pace-setters for the rest of this long-ass trip (which is still only half done).

i’ll probably say this again about a million different cities, but being near the river at night with the skyscrapers draped in fog was just like being in central looking over the bay at kowloon. i’d let you see for yourself but I left my camera in my other bag WAH WAH.

i dunno, y’all. frankfurt’s kind of a cool place. i felt really safe walking around in the dark, the train was easy, there’re bikes everywhere and just genuinely politely direct people. maybe one day i’ll be back and i won’t be a sobbing sleepy mess. here’s hoping the flight to joburg isn’t unbearable!

i’m on the plane. i’m on the plane writing this and watching the last harry potter movie on a screen about the size of two decks of cards (also very sure i’m the only one watching anything like a big nerd-child. MERCY). i’m sitting next to some dude (that’s right. SOME DUDE) in the aisle seat of the two seats next to the window? if you know me well enough, this is really throwing off my personal feng shuai and my spacial issues are in full grind. they’ll serve dinner soon (it’s currently 10:18PM EST) and i am quite interested in a beer (and, yes there was one).

i digress. the last two days have happened so quickly but so slowly, i couldn’t even imagine being on this mega plane ride. maybe more like i didn’t want to think of being on a 7 1/2 hour flight with a twelve hour layover followed by the 11 hour air-trek over the entirety of the dark continent africa.

we packed and stocked and repacked and picked up a few things and repacked again and ate way, way too much take out american food, left in plenty of time for dulles, and had to reposition certain things to certain bags (i kind of refused to pack a second bag. i mean, i’m going for a month. two bags with a carry-on just seems gluttonous) because i was two pounds over.

ok, so i intentionally didn’t put makeup on today for two reasons: 1) uh uh 30 hours of travel and fake sleep and 2) there were gonna be tears. FER REAL. if you know me really, really well, you’ll know that the waterworks start when the fatigue sets in. by the time we got through baggage check and i was picking my way through a cinnabon waiting with my parents, i was there. shopping and packing and the worry (it gets to be a noun now because it is just there) and the early mornings, late nights-just exhausting. two days was enough to get it done, but sometimes i’m not kind to myself.

mom and i walked the front part of the airport and i just couldn’t keep it in. i’m just afraid of all of this–traveling alone, all the uncertainty of this job, friggin’ african nations, kidnapping and mugging and being an adult and unemployment again and just what?? i started tearing up and it took all of what was left of my energy to keep from sobbing. mom hugged me and said, “it’s not all that great being an adult sometimes.”

but she also told me that i have to go. that if i don’t, i’ll regret it forever. that because i’m fighting this so much it’s probably going to be so legit. and that if it fails they’ll still be there for me to fall back on.

my parents. are awesome.

so let’s bring on the crappiest/best/mediocre month of my life and we’ll move on from there. for right now, i’m going to take in the rest of this movie, the rest of this beer and try and get some sleep on the most uncomfortable of God’s pillows (sorry mom) in the most uncomfortable of ways. at least i don’t have to crawl over the dude (who will probably not abide) to get to the toilet. amen.